For Beginner Salsa Dancers in Washington DC Blog

Karen and Earl

Karen and Earl.

An Open Letter to Creepy Leads by Ali Connell on Wednesday, August 11, 2010 at 12:20pm

We’ve all run into him. Everyone dance scene has one. The creepy lead. Most creepy leads are unaware of it and many acquire the moniker with absolutely no malicious intent on his part. And it seems like no amount of hinting, ignoring or refusing will get the point across. I recently had reason to spend a considerable amount of time considering the trait of creepiness. I had a patient who’s creepiness was getting him into some serious trouble in his life (he, of course, was unaware of said condition) and so my supervisor said to me “well, I guess your job is to de-creepify him.” This seemed like an impossible task. But after 6 months, I recently made some headway. And it’s all because I had these great examples from dancing that demonstrated the behaviors that lead to an interpretation of creepy. In therapy, it didn’t directly threaten him because I wasn’t calling him out on things he’d been doing, so he actually listened. Of course, in order to use these examples in therapy, I had to actually think long and hard about what makes someone seem creepy.

So here are my thoughts:The foundation of creepiness is lack of consideration, especially lack of consideration for women. There are many ways to demonstrate lack of consideration, here are a few:

Number one contributor to (often unintentional creepiness): Poor understanding of personal space.

Yes, in dancing we have to get up close. Sometimes we even dance with no personal space whatsoever. But….lesson1: Just because she gets all up in some other guy’s grill does not at all indicate that she wants to get up in your grill. How close she wants to be to you is completely independent of how closely she wants to dance to someone else. Lesson 2: Even if she gets all up in your grill while dancing, that doesn’t always mean that standard personal space rules don’t apply while not dancing. Average personal space for people in the US is 2 feet. An even better measure is standing far enough away from the person so that you can see their face and shoulders without having to shift your eyes (and without looking down on the other person’s head. I’ve heard many vertically challenged people complain about this). Invading someone’s personal space is just that, an invasion. Yes, it’s true these are generalizations and that everyone is different. But if you want to avoid/reform from creepiness, err on the side of caution or at least pay attention to her body language. If she turns her face away from you, leans backward, looks around and not at you or (most obviously) takes a step back, chances are…you’re too close.

Number two: Poor hygiene.

Poor hygiene amplifies how close you are. Because frankly, if someone can smell you I don’t care how far away you’re standing, you’re too close. Lesson 3: So brush your teeth before dances. Use mouthwash. Chew gum/mints. And if you’ve tried those things, check with your dentist/doctor. One quick easy tip for chronic halitosis: drink lots of water. Dry mouths breed more bacteria (it’s why we all get morning breath).Lesson 4: And then there’s body odor. “But wait” you might be thinking “We’re all sweating like crazy, of course it’s going to smell.” Nope. Sweat itself doesn’t have a strong smell and certainly not a malodorous one. It’s the bacteria that enjoy sweat that cause the gag worthy smell. They don’t really get the party started for a couple hours. Shower before dancing, wear antiperspirant/deodorant, keep up with changing shirts and make sure your clothes are freshly clean. I’m all for rewearing a pair of jeans on the weekend, but NOT to a dance. If the clothes have been worn, a few bacteria have already set up shop and when the sweat feast begins, they’ll very quickly invite all their friends to party.

Number Three: Giving clear signals that you aren’t there to dance, but to pick up women.

Yes, it’s totally ok to go to a dance hoping to meet someone. It’s totally ok to start dancing in order to get more time in with the opposite sex. Lesson 5: But most girls don’t want to feel like a dance is a meat market. We don’t want to feel like every dance is a come on/bad pick up line. You’re at a dance to enjoy yourself, meet people, get some exercise, try something new, not (just) to get laid. If the latter happens, then, go you, but most women don’t like to think that they’re just being sized up for the horizontal mambo. So, if you only dance with attractive (and often young) girls/women, if you frequently make the same “mistake” and get an ABG (accidental boob grab)handful, if you stare at body parts other than our eyes, we’re gonna start suspecting your intentions aren’t so honorable. And yes, I know that there are guys who truly accidentally get a handful. Lesson 6: If it’s rare and immediately followed by a hasty “I’m sorry” no harm no foul. Heck I got a handful leading a girl just the other day. I think I turned three shades of red. But APOLOGISE, even if it was a complete accident. You’d apologise if you had your leg sticking out in an aisle and someone tripped over it wouldn’t you? Apologising is not an admission of bad intent or willfulness. It’s saying “I recognize that I just caused you discomfort and I want you to know that causing you discomfort was not my intent.”And while we’re on the subject of apologising….

Number Four: Not respecting the follow’s wishes.

Lesson 7: If a follow asks you not to do something, don’t friggin’ do it! If she asks you not to dip her, don’t dip her. If she asks you not to lead an underarm turn because her shoulder hurts, don’t lead underarm turns. If you can’t stand the thought of doing/not doing whatever it is the follow asks, then don’t ask her to dance. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. And yes, I know that leading often goes on autopilot and you may slip up. I totally get that, but when you realize that you’ve done it, apologise. Lesson 8: And on a similar note, if you ask someone to dance and they turn you down, take it gracefully. Don’t argue. If you want to know why, ask after the dance is over. Feel free to try again later, but if you get turned down again without a “but find me next song etc” respect that the person doesn’t want to dance with you, at least not that night. Perhaps you have failed to observe the instructions in number 2.

Number Five: Generally being arrogant/rude.

Without any of the above, the followingdon’t generally lead to a creepy reputation. But if the above are true, these situations are generally added to the story of why someone is creepy and why everyone should avoid them. Lesson 9: Instructing on the dance floor without asking first, leading the same move over and over again even though the follow is clearly not getting it, spinning the follow until she turns green, laughing at (not with) your partner, commenting about your partner’s “clear” lack of experience are all generally undesirable on (and off)the dance floor. Granted, these tend to be more person specific. For example some people like getting feedback on the dance floor. But these are kind of “better safe than sorry” situations to avoid.

Now keep in mind, creepiness can follow you long after your behavior changes, especially if there’s a noteworthy story attached. Lesson 10: Follows talk and we’ll often give new girls the low down. And this might not be fair. There are cases when one girl’s creepy is just fine to someone else. But it happens nonetheless. I know of one lead who had a noteworthy event or two happen almost 10 years ago and the story still hasn’t died. Part of the reason it didn’t die; he never indicated he regretted it, so people still assume it was intentional and he still engages in some mild creepy behaviors as described above.

Summary lesson: It really is amazing the power of an apology. Though please note, I am not saying apologise for every little thing. There’s no need to apologise for your level of dancing or for missing a move for example. Being new or inexperienced is not lack of consideration.

So, there it is. A lead’s guide to how not to be creepy. I bet that in most cases, leads who get labeled creepy are actually harmless and they’d never want to make people uncomfortable. My hope is that this will help those leads give the right impression, so that people don’t mistakenly put the above listed behaviors together and solve the equation with creepiness.

PS You might want to make sure your pockets are fairly empty before you dance. 1) it can be physically uncomfortable. 2) it can be mistaken for an indicator that you’re only there to get some.

Article: Salsa Rejection: When is it appropriate? by Johnny Johnson

Did you know that there’s power in salsa dancing? What kind of power you might ask? Power to uplift, entertain, communicate, relieve, teach, learn, unify, love and accept; unfortunately there is also a flipside to this extraordinary power. Salsa can also be used to discourage, avoid, separate, upstage, aggravate, mislead, scrutinize, hate and REJECT.

Is there ever an appropriate time to use the flipside of this extraordinary power to reject someone’s dance request?

Most people would immediately say “No, you should dance with as many people as possible. Salsa should be about having fun and accepting people regardless of level.”

Others would say, “Sometimes its ok to say no. Sometimes you go to a club, social, or congress to dance with people on your level”

The rest just say the most popular response…”It just depends. Sometimes you maybe in the mood to dance with anyone, sometimes you want to dance with specific individuals.it just depends.”

If you are truly into salsa dancing you have faced the dilemma of salsa rejection at some point in your salsa journey whether receiving or initiating it.

Unfortunately women tend to have the power when it comes to rejection; why, because 99% of the time a guy is asking a lady to dance. Although I believe in equal rights for all genders, I guess since guys get to lead the dance (most of the time), we should have to suffer a little extra at some point of the process.

Nevertheless, despite this unavoidable pressure that comes with being a lead, I still see a lot of ladies not dancing, complaining and pouting in the corners of the clubs. Ladies.do you feel a sense of rejection because no one is asking you to dance? You do. Well, I have absolute no pity for you. (I know that sound harsh doesn’t it) But truthfully, if you really wanted to dance, all you have to do is “appear to want to dance.” This can be accomplished by standing near the dance floor, smiling, nodding your head to the music, doing a halfway basic step, and even singing the lyrics if you know them, faking it if you don’t. I guarantee some guy will ask you to dance (I know I would), if not, there is probably a bigger issue at hand.

If this doesn’t work, you can always simply ask a guy to dance. Asking a GUY, I know, how degrading!! That’s almost like being desperate or something; however, most guys don’t see it that way, and if they do there’s definitely something wrong with them. If anything, guys are usually shocked, but delighted to see a women step out of the normal process and ask us to dance. Ladies if you find yourself complaining or pouting in the salsa corner because no one is asking you to dance you may want to ask yourself this question; “Is it better to remain upset but not appear to be desperate or should you step away from the norm to have a great time?”

So with that said let examine this whole rejection thing.

Sizing up a Salsero: This is an all too common act misused by beginners, intermediate and advanced dancers, namely ladies. That’s right I said it, LADIES. This is the process of looking at a guy for the first time (having never seen him dance before) and determining if he fits the profile of a qualified salsa dancer, by merely one glimpse. Now that’s a lot of power. You might be in the wrong profession if you can do this effectively. The problem is most people don’t. I take this one personally because I fall victim to it so often. I know I’m not a skinny Latin guy with wide leg dress pants, a shimmery dress shirt, and shiny shoes. However, that does not mean I can’t break out a mean basic salsa step. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s one scenario:

I walk up to a young lady in the club and say “Excuse me miss, what’s your name, Can you come, hang with me.” Oh my bad wrong genre! Take two..I’m in the “salsa club,” I walk up to a young lady and say, “Excuse me, would you like to dance,” she visually sizes me up and with a confused gesture responds with the following: “Do you know how to dance?” The normal more sarcastic Johnny thinks to himself, “hmmm, would I be hanging out in a salsa club, nodding my head to salsa music, and asking you to dance if I had no clue how to dance..” But since I am trying to use my powers for good, (you know love, uplifting, communicating, and that other stuff I mentioned earlier), I politely smile and say, “yeah I can dance a little.”

Now there are generally two types of responses: The Good and The Evil.

The Good..”Ok, let’s dance,” she responds. We proceed to the floor, I initiate the basic step on time (to her surprise), give here a nice prep, a few turns, a couple cross body lead turn patterns and she’s all smiles for the remainder of the dance. Guys, you may have to do a little more depending on her level, but if she smiling you may never have to experience the “decision-making” from her again. She will also tell her friends about you, so there will be even fewer decisions to be made that night. Salsa is such a beautiful thing!

Ok, what if you’re not good? Glad you asked:

If you don’t know the basics.. you’ll probably proceed to the floor initiate a step (possibly on top of her foot), mimic a couple of moves you saw someone else doing, move to your rhythm and hopefully finish out the song. Chances are, if she’s nice, she will still smile and even say thank you for the dance; however, she’ll probably avoid you for the remainder of the night and warn her friends about you. You may want to work the other side of the club after this dance.

Ok guys, what if you think you’re really good, but you’re really not good? Review the above scenario.

Finally, what if both of you’ll have no clue what’s going and you think you’re doing salsa when it’s really a merengue song? You’ll probably have the time of you life. Heck this might end up being some sort of love connection, so work it out bro!

Now for The Evil..your initial response to her question, “Can you dance?” just wasn’t good enough.

Chances are you are secretly trying to holla at (flirt) her and you’re merely using this salsa stuff as a method to get closer; after all guys are way too shallow to simply enjoy a dance with no strings attached, right? So she gives the abrupt rejection… but wait a second buddy. you don’t get off that easy, there are several types of abrupt rejections:

? You may get the “I can’t believe this fool has the audacity to ask me to dance, does he know who heck I am, he better recognize!!!” -Look of Disgust- before the actual rejection follows! Ladies this is the absolute worst way for a guy to get rejected. He will always remember you, but for the wrong reason! You are officially on the DND list (see below).

DND list: Do not dance with her even if she is the last person walking the face of the earth and begs me to dance with her; and if she is the last person on earth, my freestyle and shines will be really really good.

? You may get the salsa water break rejection. Generally she’ll give you a slight frown followed by a pleading explanation, “I am really really tired right now, I want to finish my water (or drink), my feet hurt really really bad, maybe another time.” Not so bad right, WRONG.This doesn’t become evil until she is on the floor breaking it down with another guy before can you get two feet away from her; And she strategically makes sure “another time” never arrives. This is also a very popular way to get rejected. Ladies, we will remember you and we are bitter for the time being, but we’ll recover much quicker than the previous discussed scenario. Chances are you won’t even make the DND list but you are definitely on the DNA list (see below).

DNA list: Do not ask this girl to dance ever again. The only way we will dance is if she asks me. Afterwards, I may consider removing her from the DNA list.

? Finally you may get the simple, yet cold “thanks for sweating me (smile), but no thanks on the dance (response).” Generally you get this response because in her mind there’s no way in the world you could really be solid enough to hang with her on the floor; or. she’s just not feeling it right now; or. she’s not feeling you right now. Luckily guys brush this off pretty easily (what can I say, smiling is a powerful thing), plus we’ve already spotted someone else to dance with or we really just don’t care (we’ve probably had a few drinks anyway; tomorrow we won’t even remember this experience).

So is there ever a time when it’s okay for ladies to reject someone. YES! (I know, I’m such a sellout!) But sometimes a lady has a legitimate reason for saying no and here are some acceptable terms for “politely” (remember the power behind that smile ladies) telling a guy no.

? Ok guys, you’ve danced with her for 20 straight songs, she’s about to fall out and die from exhaustion and dehydration but that’s not stopping you at all; and worst of all the DJ is blending the music, so she definitely can’t escape this salsa hell. Guys stop being stalkers and go see if those turn patterns will work on someone else, it’s practically choreography for her at this point. Besides, there’s a lot guys, like me, waiting for an opening that you just won’t allow. Ladies it’s ok to avoid this guy.

? This guy really suffers from the David Copperfield syndrome. No matter how much she hates it or how many people you’ve injured, you just gotta try the back flip, neck drop, twisting thing you saw Francisco do. The only problem is that he was on stage and you’re in the middle of a crowed dance floor. Save the dangerous tricks for ample space and stop endangering her well being for the sake of showing off. Remember ladies your safety comes before showing off some guys salsa moves.

? Finally there’s LA Style, NY Style and there’s “Ike and Tina-Turner Style.” He’s never heard of it, but dances it very well. It looks like some sort of domestic dispute when he’s dancing. Was she cheating on you? Did she disrespect you in front of your homeboys? There’s has to be a better way to work this situation out. Somebody call the bouncers.. If he’s known in the ladies rest room (of the salsa club) for all the arms he’s nearly torn out of socket, it’s ok to avoid this guy as well.

Ladies if you ever come across any of these described scenarios, the salsa gods give you permission to give him that nice pretty smile and gently decline (wow I can believe I just encouraged this type of behavior).

Ok, maybe there are times when it’s ok for ladies to use the power of rejection for evil, I mean, their protection. However, ladies whether you’re mambo diva or a confused beginner; NO still feel the same even to the most advanced dancer. So try your best to smile and be gentle if you’re going to decline someone. I promise we won’t hate you as much.

As for the guys, we need to discover something called a quick recovery! Don’t let the power salsa rejection ruin your night, suck it up and move on to the next dance bro. Just keep your DND and DNA lists handy. Besides you don’t want to miss one of best dances of your life, which could be that very next dance.

Johnny R. Johnson

Don’t be afraid to take a class

Don’t be afraid to go and take a class There are plenty od place where you can get free quality courses where you can learn the foundation of the dance. Eventually as you progress you will start to go studios for paid classes and more intimate setting than in a night club . Log on to www.stuckonsalsa.com for info about free salsa classess

Tips for beginners dancers NO 1

Don’t be afraid to go and take a class There are plenty od place where you can get free quality courses where you can learn the foundation of the dance. Eventually as you progress you will start to go studios for paid classes and more intimate setting than in a night club . Log on to www.stuckonsalsa.com for info about free salsa classess

Wed July 14, 2010 Beg and Intermediate On1 and On2 classes

Wed July 14, 2010 Beg and Intermediate On1 and On2 classes with PsyonMauricio and StuckOnsalsa crew Beg classes 7:00 unti 7:45 Intermediate classes 7:45pm until 8:30pm Chaotic Salsa Mambo Bachata madness dance party with DJ Vino at 8:30pm The Salsa Mambo Bachata Lounge at Recess is located at 727 15th st nw wdc Free cover and free classes for all

First WED at Zanzibar

First WED at Zanzibar.

SOS 7 Year anniversary

SOS 7 Year anniversary.

Washington Post article on SOS classes at Lima

http://www.washingtonpost.com/gog/profile/sabor-mondays,1158434/critic-review.html#reviewNum1